Accessibility Tools
It takes courage to ask simply and directly, ‘are you okay?’, if concerned about someone's mental health.
What if they’re actually fine? Will they be offended? And what do you do if they aren’t okay?
These are common concerns people have when it comes to asking a friend, colleague or loved one ‘are you okay?’. So it’s tempting to frame the question in a way that encourages a positive response, ‘you’re okay, aren’t you?’
We often do this because we’re not sure how to respond if the answer is ‘no’. But that’s certainly not helping your friend, and it reinforces the reluctance or stigma we feel when talking about mental health issues.
Sometimes it can help to mention any changes you’ve seen that have caused concern. For example, if someone seems more withdrawn than normal (which can be a symptom of depression) you could say ‘I’ve noticed that you’ve not wanted to come out much lately. Is there something worrying you?’
Sometimes people find it easier to talk when doing something like going for a walk, driving, or doing another shared activity, rather than sitting across a table from someone.
Rather than an answer of 'no', it is possible for the person you care about to respond with a 'yeah I'm okay' or 'I'm fine'. If you’re not convinced, try asking the question a different way, or mentioning why you're asking in the first place - for example, if you've noticed any changes.
If they still say they're fine, or they don't want to talk, let them know that you are always available should they want to talk. It's worth sending them a message a few hours later reiterating your support. By keeping the door open you will make it easier for them to connect and open up in the future.
Remember a conversation could change a life and the simple gesture of compassion can have a profound effect on someone who is going through tough times.
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